I was having lunch with my sister this weekend, and she abruptly stops eating and proclaims the following with her voice conveying a feeling of utmost earnestness and concern.
“Vince, your beard is making me nauseous.”
This got me thinking about “sexy”, facial hair experiments, the conveniences of not shaving and the prospect and utter impossibilty of making things like “biomass gasification technology” glamorous. I’m not a trendspotter. I’ve had roughly the same haircut since elementary school and have a large and diverse collection of professional wrestling action figures, so I would advise not listening to me about what the cool guys are doing. I do, however, know a good semantic argument when I see one. “Sexy” probably isn’t the best word for the green movement. The lead paragraph in the Arnold story mentions “sexy” being synonymous with “sufficiently mainstream.” I’ve always thought “sexy” was better suited for the exotic, forbidden, risque. Webster’s dictionary defines sexy as “arousing or tending to arouse sexual desire or interest.” What should we do? Perhaps, we could place an advertisement in the New York Times with Matthew McConaughey (or McCona-hottie as my mom likes to say) shirtless, smiling, … and cultivating cellulosic biofuels! Woo-hoo! That might arouse sexual interest but probably will not elicit genuine concern in alternative energy sources. In the same way that my moustache fails to connect adequately with my beard, applying sex to certain sectors of the green movement probably would look funny and cause discomfort among the general population. (Thus ends the most clumsy, poorly conceived extended metaphor in the history of media, the environment, and J500 – media & the environment).
In actuality I think Arnold’s mission is pretty admirable. He’s just trying to make the green movement more alluring. Clearly, the man knows sexy. Just check out this eloquent explanation of the intimate relationship between bodybuilding and sex.
Quick shameless plugola: Since this is humor week, I need to mention one of the best satirists around, and he’ll be in town this week! His name’s Todd Snider and he’s playing at the Granada this Friday night. Todd is a singer/songwriter and a masterful storyteller who describes himself as a “tree-huggin’, peace lovin’, pot smokin’, porn watchin’, lazy-ass hippie.” – you have to admire that kind of candor.
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